why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
