You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
