You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
