people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
