hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
