he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
