Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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