took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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