remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
