I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize