I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
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