after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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