This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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