I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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