It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
