running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
