Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
