Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
