I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
