2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
