i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
