Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
