Don't you send me to vm
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
