New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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