i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
