So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
