we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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