But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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