I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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