Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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