Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
