There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
God I need to hump something, right now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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