I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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