Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
