It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
