I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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