tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
