My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
