So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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