I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want to make out with him forever
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
