I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dicks are not precious.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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