Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ketchup is God's man juice
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Randomize
