I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
