Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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