I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
