I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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