don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
