look no pants
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
