i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
