dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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