Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i out mim tonsoeep
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
