Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
