Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize