Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
