No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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