sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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