Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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