i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
