Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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