would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
