if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize