Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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