if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize