Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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