I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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