my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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