You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
