dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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