So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
