I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
