I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize