where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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