I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
