don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
