I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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