The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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