YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
