I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
