you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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