She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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