I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
