It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize