omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
