I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
