If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
