We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
