2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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