Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
