this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
