addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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