Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
