Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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