and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
