I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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