Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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