he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
