you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You are a genius and a whore.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
