I wish I could teleport
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
