watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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