Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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