id be glad to
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
