dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
