just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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